The Difference In Paternal NPD Abuse And Romantic NPD Abuse

 

The Difference In Paternal NPD Abuse And Romantic NPD Abuse

The Difference In Paternal NPD Abuse And Romantic NPD Abuse

It is my belief that the abuse inflicted upon a child by a narcissistic parent is wholly different and needs to be treated differently than the abuse from a narcissistic romantic partner...

 

This is my top 10 list....

The difference in Paternal NPD abuse and Romantic NPD abuse

1) the childhood wounds were caused by the narcissists. The abused did not chose the abuser. Therefore the "is the Narcissist the messenger or the torturer?" question is not valid. Therefore anything after childhood that occurs as a result of being raised by the narcissist IS ATTRIBUTABLE TO THE NARCISSIST, not to anything else.

2) Because parental narcissistic abuse can be difficult to see, sometimes it takes the abused decades to realize what exactly happened to them and start to heal. Why this is significantly different than romantic NPD is that by the time most female Parental NPD abuse victims realize it and start fixing it, they are old, have no eggs left, their sanity and health and looks are gone and they cannot just start over.

3) NPD Parents think they know everything, therefore they think that their children know everything, since they are supposed to be extensions of the narcissistic parent. What this means is that the narcissist NEVER TEACHES THE CHILD ANYTHING! Its like growing up with your life as a gigantic set of IKEA furniture without the Allen Wrench or instructions. For instance, they wont teach you to tell time or buy you a watch, but they will take you to the mall and tell you to meet back at a certain place at a certain time and when you arent back in time they will punish you and they will repeat this everytime you go to the mall without ever buying you a watch.

4) If you grow up in an NPD parental household and you have siblings, you are pitted against each other and this creates extra proxy abusers, frenemies, and a family of unhealthiness. You never develop any healthy family bonds and the family disintegrates. You will be compared and scapegoated or favored. The favored child will be given your things (even your birthday presents) and will be recruited to dole out punishments to you so your angelic supermom doesnt have to, so she can never be accused HERSELF of child abuse.

5) Growing up in a narcissistic family you never have normal things, events or activities. A ultra feminine "fragile" martyristic Mother, will not push her tomboy child into tomboy activities or sports that will enrich the tomboy child. Instead they will only push the tomboy into piano, cosmetology, or hand modelling cause thats what THEY want. If they hate amusement parks, camping, dogs and fireworks, you will never have those things either. If they have an eating  disorder you will be fed the way they eat.

6) Most people, including family members and teachers will see the mother as a Supermom, therefore the abuse will go on, because the NPD Mom has convinced them the child is ill, or bad when the child is only acting out cause of the dysfunctioning of the family unit. Especially if the child is the family's Identified Patient.

7) She commits emotional munchhausens on you, so you get "sick" and she gets pity...For instance, she never teaches you to stand up for yourself or the standard "Stranger Danger", so when you get bullied, she thinks you are defective and thus unloveable and a problem to her ego (after all you share her DNA) and thus you become the pitiful child who she can get narcissistic supply from via the teachers, Doctors, church, family and friends from, when you inevitably start acting up cause of the abuse. "Poor Judy! that daughter of hers has so many issues, I feel so sorry for her"...

8) Its wholly different than RNPD abuse in that, the abused is an adult who already had a life of mostly normal experiences in life and mostly a normal set of parents and family members and normal development. Whereas the PNPD abuse is from birth and the abused never has a normal foundation or anything. Its thus more complex then RNPD abuse, because the person is conditioned since birth and has no rememberance of a more NORMAL time of life to look back on to want to get back to. If EVERYTHING in your life is abnormal, you dont realize what normal looks like or feels like. Most of the time what saves a PNPD survivor is to find a mate who is Normal and has a NORMAL family that you can blend into and heal.

9) You become a pseudo narcissist yourself...until you get your ass handed to you and snap out of it. My NMom would talk bad about other women ALL.THE.TIME... Shed also hate on her friends and coworkers behind their backs. Her one coworker and his daughter had headaches and shed make fun of their "fake illnesses"...We mirrored all her biases, opinions and hateful comments. Until years later I got my ass handed to me on the internet by a few women and started reevaluating myself...

10) Everything has to be a big secret. Anything that happens at home or is said at home cant be spoken to anyone. Even to your Father. If they get divorced, you will be poisoned against him so you get isolated from him and he has no say or weight in your care and you wont want him to have any say or weight until you get older and see the truth about the narcissist.