The Identified Patient

 

 

 

Identified Patient

Psychology term describing an individual, usually a child or teen, in a dysfunctional family who:

1) Gets scapegoated and blamed for a family's problems
2) Has emotional problems that are not a mental illness, but a normal response to the stress of
dealing with an unhealthy family in denial
3) Blows the whistle on a dysfunctional family's problems
Phrase originated because family therapists recognized that the child "identified" as the patient
is not necessarily the one who is sick.

 

IE:
1) John is dropping out of school and doing drugs and his parents want him institutionalized, but
it turns out his mother is an abusive alcoholic and his father is chronically absent. John is the
identified patient.
2) Becky is extremely depressed and fearful. She accuses her father, correctly, of molestation,
but the parents deny it and accuse Becky of being sick for reasons that have nothing to do with
them. Becky is the identified patient.
Source: Wikipedia

----*----

It is ultimately amazing to me to see just how many parents voluntarily and with glee subject
their children to medication and special classes at school and intensive therapy sessions all to deflect their own bad parenting skills, neglect, stupidity and/or "justdontgiveafuck-itis". I myself was subjected to round after round of tests, put in special classes, put on Ritalin and Anti-bedwetting medications and made to sit in a psychologists chair repeatedly to deal with my MOTHERS bad parenting and poor choices.

 

My Mothers Narcissism caused my Hyperactivity

 

 

I Dru Carrymore-Baggage, am the Identified Patient!
I am the whistleblower on my mothers misdeeds and dirty secrets.
The secrets she told us to keep quiet and not mention to our Father or to others.
I am the one who bore the brunt and scars of my Mothers dysfunction and abuse...
And I wont be silent anymore.
In the next pages Im gonna show you how everything she thought of me and told others about
me, was directly related to HER doings and HER choices

I was Gaslighted

 

 

Above you see a picture of the 1944 movie Gaslight. In the movie, the husband slowly starts
manipulating parts of his wife's environment, including slowly dimming the houses GASLIGHTS
daily, all the while telling her nothing is changing, insisting that she is mistaken or
misremembering hoping to drive her to insanity and widening his control over her.
Nowadays Gaslighting is a legitimate Psychological term for the Emotional version of
Munchausens by Proxy. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is
presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory and perception. Making them
think they are something they are not.
Source: Wikipedia

For years and years and years I've been told by my Mother, that I was, among other things,
handicapped, not responsible, a troublemaker, not ready for anything, that part of my brain was
deformed and that I had a rage problem that prevented me from getting my driver's license at
age 16.

Lets clear a few things up, to start....

My school wrote to my mom, telling her that I couldn't sit still in class and was always getting up and walking around the classroom. My mom took me to see a Dr and he diagnosed me as Hyperactive. This is the only thing that was "wrong" with me. My mom, as a narcissist, thought I was defective, cause narcs only want perfection. Very similar to an infamous narcissistic reality Tv mom who reportedly did not like that her one son wore glasses and thought he was defective... I was a solid B student.

*
I was a tomboy. Liking mud and climbing things and being a daredevil does not equate to a
violent and bullying personality.
*
I was scared to death and anxiety ridden at home due to the fights between my mother and
father...which caused me to be stressed out and nervous which presented itself as
Hyperactivity.

When you are a child and you are repeatedly told things about yourself that are not true, it sets
you off your axis, it makes you feel like you don't truly know yourself and you treat your world
and everyone you know and meet, differently. You don't simply act naturally like everyone else,
you change yourself to adapt to what your mother is telling you you are and not how you truly
are. You don't make friends like normal people or you over prove yourself or you are overly
generous with people so they will like you. You also do things differently and/or don't do certain
things or take risks.

I'm not sure if my Mother did this to me for malicious reasons or to control me so she didn't
have to parent me properly, or she saw a freespirited child and was jealous that she
couldnt be that way and chose to squash my spirit to prevent me from being better than her,
but she did it and damaged me in ways too deep to comprehend. Deep enough that I was 30 by
the time I started questioning everything and got myself into therapy and unraveled all the lies
and abuse and deceit.

And as if Gaslighting me wasn't enough, she Gaslighted me to a few select others, so they would
have certain expectations of me immediately upon meeting me or so they wouldn't question
her.

She Gaslighted me to my own Father by telling him I was HANDICAPPED so all his NORMAL
Fatherly advice and suggestions to her to get me into activities or to find a better school for me
so I'd do better things in life and go on to be productive were drowned out by "Larry! she's
handicapped she's not ready for those kind of things!" Can you imagine how I felt at age 20
standing in my Father's driveway being told by him how proud of me he was, only to be shocked
and deeply hurt by the follow-up, "….your Mother always says you're handicapped and aren't
ready for anything but I don't believe it, I'm proud of you and think you are alright!"
Devastated!

 

A great example of gaslightings effects is:

 

A few years ago I went to a new Dr and upfront told him that I had anxiety, depression and I was on Xanax. I then told him "My issue is that I think Im having an issue with my legs. They feel like they are full of helium and they tingle like Im getting punctured with needles" 

He told me immediately, "Thats your mental illness, we should up your Xanax."

It wasnt. It was a rare side effect of Xanax and as soon as I stopped taking it, it went away.

 

 

 

Because I had told my Dr upfront about my anxiety and depression, he immediately JUDGED me and attributed my leg issue to my Anxiety and depression.

So imagine your mom telling people you were a troublemaker and handicapped, how they would immediately judge you when you met them the first time! Thats how my Mom controlled me. So when I did act out as a result of her bad parenting, the people who could have helped me, instead thought of me as handicapped....

Imagine being a 5 yr old girl, whose father was violent in the home, going to Kindergarten and being away from your Mother and you are anxious and worried that your dad will kill or hurt your mother while you are at school. You wouldnt be able to sit still or concentrate or relax and have fun or make friends.

(OMG just writing that out, makes me realize, thats why I dont know how to have fun, and why Im so serious! I never learned to play!)

Then imagine your mom telling everyone you are a troublemaker and handicapped.

 

I ask, handicapped how?

Physically? 

No, I was perfectly healthy. no diseases, the only issues I have is hearing issues from ear infections, and glasses. I also cant take aspirin and I have uterine fibroids. 

Thats it.

Was I mentally slow?

NO, I rode a two wheeler before my older sister. I excelled at science and reading and writing. I read the dictionary for fun.

Was I delayed? 

No, my IQ was a little above average.

So how was I handicapped?

I wasnt. 

My MOTHER gaslighted me into thinking that. She made others believe that so they would think all her actions with me were justifiable. 

Yes, I acted out. but why?

I acted out cause there was no real MOTHERING going on.

My sister never got disciplined at all, never sat on a single naughty step, lost a single privilege or was ever yelled at or slapped. In spite of being a spoiled brat, dealing drugs, and turfing lawns.

Me on the other hand got punished for everything, which equated to just never being allowed to ever do anything, and I never wanted to turf lawns, deal drugs or anything else.

There was no lessons learned, no Brady Bunch sit down and talk about it moments, no hugs, kisses or love...

No parenting at all.