The Emancipation Of Dru

The Emancipation Of Dru

My mother visited our new rental condo a few times and then one day I was out at Giant with my son...A little old prunefaced lady made hurtful uninformed comments about all the autistic stimming noises he was making and I came home and called my Mother sobbing and very upset... Any normal caring loving mother would have sat there and talked to her only child about her only grandchild. That is what moms are for.

Instead you know what she did?
I got the idea during the conversation that Bob (her married lover and boss) was set to arrive at her house shortly...But instead of making ME and her ONLY GRANDCHILD her priority at that moment and making Bob wait, she chose to hang up on me and put the phone off the hook when Bob arrived.

I had had enough of being my moms 5th choice in everything

1) Dana
2) Bob
3) Herself
4) Work
5) Me

So it was time to stop talking to her and focus instead on my son and Ricky and my (now ex) Mother In Law, Donna and her BF Eddie. Donna and I used to talk for HOURS on the phone and shed actually listen to what I said and would be GENUINELY INTERESTED! So I told my mother I no longer wished to talk to her and to leave me alone.

Something was stirring inside of me.
This of course was all before I went to the Shrinks and discovered that what my mother had, had a fancy name, NPD, and that it was NOT curable. After I stopped talking to her she played some silly little Narc games to try to get my attention

 Games like these are common for NPD parents to pull:

*
She ordered face serum from QVC and had it delivered to my house. I called QVC and they told me she had to deliberately tell them my address to send it to since she used her own QVC PIN # to purchase it and her real address was attached to her PIN#.
*
When my mortgage bank called her to talk to me since my old phone number had been disconnected, my mother sat there and cried on his shoulder about me being so mean and not knowing where I lived and she hasn't seen her only grandchild in a year and told him all kinds of highly personal stuff about me. When he finally got in touch with me he asked me why I was so mean to my own mother and shit!
UGH!!!!
Embarrassing!
*
My mother lied and told her co workers and sister and friends that "she had no idea where I even lived" (Dick and his wife told me this later) even though she'd been to the rental condo several times. One day despite having told everyone that she didn't know where I lived, she BURST INTO MY HOUSE one afternoon without even knocking, all dramatic "IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT? IS THE BABY OKAY?"

I was so startled I screamed at her to get the fuck out!
What the fuck was that about!?

-----*-----

Along the way I tried to encourage Ricky's hobbies and interests thinking ONE just may get him into a job somewhere and after the move I had hoped maybe the change would get the ball rolling, and while he may have started spending time at the Bike Line bike shop during the day, at the new house he was becoming angrier and angrier and more paranoid. Thinking that people were watching him everytime he left the house...

All of us were stressed to the max.
He would tell me he was "working" at the bikeshop to save up to buy a bike. I was so excited about it. I thought it was a job...But the bike shop eventually closed to make way for the new shopping center and never returned
My son had developed his key Autistic stim behavior that pretty much continues till this day...JUMPING up and down in one place. Not only did he bust thru 3 metal cribs in 2 years, but the jumping was getting our next door neighbors very annoyed because the condo was way too cheaply built and our neighbors were tired of hearing the constant pounding noise of the jumping. So I started looking for a new house...

The summer before I found the new house I had bought my son one of these
 

 

I filled it up with 80 degree water and me and him got in...
OMG! It awakened something inside of me that had been DEAD for so many many many years. It brought me back to happier times of summer freespirited fun swimming at the apartment pool and at Sarah Jeffers pool. I used to run thru the meadow near our apartment (then part of a golf course) and lay in the sun and dream about my future and happiness... OMG there was no putting that feeling back! I refilled that pool every day I could and it changed me...

I found a house in Montgomery County and all 10 of us moved in (me, Ricky, the baby and our 7 dogs). It was a 5 bedroom 3 bath colonial in a great family centered neighborhood. I was hoping the move would make Ricky relax and get a job and be happy and maybe we'd have more kids.

MORE KIDS?
WITH RICKY???
I know, I know!

So stupid!

I decided to find out why I wasn't able to be intimate with my "wonderful husband" who still told me he loved me 100 times a day, and looked up psychologists in the phonebook. I went to see Dr Mary and sat there and told her, "I don't know why I cant have sex with my Boyfriend! He's so nice, says he loves me all the time, blah blah blah" "He was abused by his dad, blah blah blah"

She sat there and looked at me and said to me, 

"What is he doing for YOU?"
"Is he supporting you emotionally?"
NO
"Is he supporting you financially?"
NO
"Is he helping around the house?"
NO
"Is he helping you with your son?"
NO
"Is he spending time with you?"
NO
No, No, No, No, No, and No! I answered.

She said, "Then why would you let your guard down and wanna be intimate with him? He does nothing for you."

Again, all things I should have known if I had had someone to talk to and get advice from. I had gotten my first computer the year my son was born. I excelled in everything about the computer! It was something I was really good at. Being on the computer opened my world up and talking to others on the internet made me start questioning things about my relationship too.

We hadn't had sex in a year and a half. I was miserable! And if Ricky tried to touch me one more time I'd puke on his shoe! Ricky's idea of foreplay was poking my crotch with his index finger and smiling! OMG SO GROSS! So one day a year after moving in, I told Ricky I couldn't do this any more and I was no longer attracted to him and I didn't wanna be with him any more.... He had the audacity to ask if I was seeing someone else!
I had devoted 10 yrs of my life to TRYING to make him happy and for him to think I had cheated
was the highest insult.

He went that night to Richies.
He was at Richies for 2 days then I was driving around and stopped at a Wawa to buy the baby
something and my ATM card was declined! Just to show you how brainwashed I was by Ricky and everyone in my life, that I was stupid and couldn't do anything right or do things by myself. 

 

When my ATM card was declined
I called Ricky and begged him to return!
How stupid was THAT?

So he came back and I told him he had to get a job and his license and his own insurance. He applied for a job at the hobby store and worked there before Christmas for several months... I actually started to get a spark back for him...He was also supposedly doing custom paint jobs for peoples R/C cars.

 

BUT
He quit or was fired...
The spark died...
 

 

 

2 years later I found out that many people were owed their R/C car bodies that he was supposed to custom paint and that's was why he stopped working there. He tried to just slip back into not working again, but I told him to get a job. He talked to his friend up the street, Mark, and he told me Mark had offered him a trial period working at his Work shop. He worked there a month and then he told me Mark didn't want him/have a spot on the crew for him. Somehow I found out that it was a lie and Ricky had quit.
 

 

 

Any spark that had survived through all those sad lonely years was OFFICIALLY DEAD.

----*----

I remember one day sitting on the couch getting a panic attack, and actually convulsing and shaking so hard from pent up anxiety and trying to keep it all together for years, and Ricky coming over to me and asking what was wrong, I was rocking back and forth a little and I just kept saying, "I can't do this anymore" and he said, "What Honey?" I told him, "I can't be with you anymore!"...He said, "I'm trying" I told him that every time I got a spark back for him that he'd kill it...and it was now DEAD!

He went out with Richie...

I was so overwhelmed with my life at the time that I reached out for and called my Mother after 4 years of not talking to her and asked her to come over. She came over and when Ricky returned I told him to get out. He went to stay with Mark up the street and was making plans to go to Texas to live with his mom.

It was September, 7th, 2001...

For 3 days I still was getting my footing as a single woman, then on September, 10th I went with my mother to the Candy Show at the Valley Forge Convention Center. The next morning I put my son on the bus and the sun was shining I was feeling great and free and centered and I made coffee and sat down at the computer and turned on The News to see the newest Chandra Levy coverage (that I was obsessed with at the time) when all of a sudden the twin towers of WTC in NYC were struck with planes. After I found out it was supposed Terrorists, I was in shock and scared and in a panic...

I called Ricky... I told him that he could live with me but we will never be together as a couple again but I wanted him to see his son grow up. Life was too short I said. He came back to the house and kept angerly telling me he'd "sleep in a sleeping bag on the basement floor, since there was no room in the rest of the house!"... HUH? I have a 5 bedroom house! ... He couldn't take the microscope of pressure and went out with Richie to Pottstown that night and when he returned he sat on the couch with his arms out to the sides and his head back looking at the ceiling and suddenly, out of no where said that him and Richie were caught driving with Pot and they were in trouble. Later on I found out that it was a lie and that he'd said that so I'd feel sorry for him and take him back! Crazy HUH? How is that supposed to make me WANT him back?

I told him to get the fuck out! I've had ENOUGH!
He was very angry at that and stormed out.

If the world was ending after the WTC was struck I was not going to spend ONE MORE DAY WITH THIS FOOL IN MY HOUSE OR LIFE!

3 hours later he called from what sounded like the 422 highway overpass asking me "If I was ready to say goodbye" I think he was inferring that he was going to jump!
 

 

 

I said, "Yes, Bye" and hung up.
The next time I heard from him was when he got to Texas.
He would not stop calling me. I stopped answering. He rung up $900.00 of roaming charges of
unanswered calls.