Chapter 6 - SEX (NSFW)

Chapter 6 - SEX (NSFW)

Chapter 6 - SEX

Okay lets get one thing clear, I am not your mother or father.
I am not uptight or judgmental about sex. I am not going to beat you up for your thoughts and
feelings or if or if not you decide to have sex.
The problem with parents is that if they have done other shit to upset you, neglect you, make you
feel unloved or abuse you or allow you to be abused, you can no longer trust them or respect
them and a child who doesn't respect their parent or trust them, will not be receptive to their
advice or things they say... Or in the case of my abusive mother, who is a serial married men
sleeper-wither, I didn't feel like she should be teaching me anything about sex or morals since her
sex life was a fucking huge mess.
Understand?
I had NO ROLE MODEL or person to go to when sex became a part of my life.
So, I'm going to talk to you like an adult.
Because I think you deserve someone who has been there to give you a frank sex talk.
SEX!
Sex is fabulous! It is so so extremely fun, at times you wont be able to stand it. It can make people
do cray cray things.
I am not here to tell you not to have sex.
I'm not here to tell you not to have oral or anal sex.
I'm not going to make you feel ashamed for feeling sexual feelings or having sexual thoughts.
I'm not gonna tell you you shouldn't masturbate. In fact you SHOULD.
I'm not gonna tell you sex is a sin or its dirty.
I'm not gonna tell you to save yourself for marriage.
You are your own person and its your body.
I did not have a choice as to when I lost my virginity, or who I lost it to.
But (hopefully) YOU WILL.
My purpose here is to help you make intelligent choices....

Sex and Maturity
There will come that time you will want to have sex for the first time and you should.
But ONLY if you are emotionally mature enough to deal with it and take steps to protect yourself
from STDs and Pregnancy.....
CAUSE LISTEN UP AND LISTEN CAREFULLY AND ALWAYS REMEMBER THESE WORDS:
ONCE YOU HAVE A BABY YOUR LIFES ADVENTURES END.
WHAT THAT MEANS FOR YOU IS NO MORE SPONTANEOUS TRIPS, NO PARTIES, NO MORE
SLEEPING TILL NOON, NO MORE GOING ANYWHERE WITHOUT PLANNING AHEAD LUGGING A CARSEAT, STROLLER, DIAPER BAG, FORMULA, BINKY AND TOYS CAUSE YOU *WILL* BE BRINGING THE CRYING SCREAMING HUNGRY POOPY DIAPERED BABY EVERYWHERE YOU GO, FOR 5 YRS. TILL HE/SHE GOES TO KINDERGARTEN.
AND ONCE YOU GET AN STD LIKE AIDS OR HERPES ITS LIFE ALTERING AND YOUR SEX LIFE CAN COME TO AN END.
ONCE YOU GET CHLAMYDIA YOU MIGHT NEVER BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN.

If you are NOT mature enough to protect yourself from STDs or pregnancy, or be ready to accept
responsibility for an unexpected pregnancy or emotionally ready to abort or give the baby up for
adoption THEN YOU PROBABLY ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH OR READY FOR SEX...yet.

How to tell if you are ready for sex:

1. If you understand the risks and can take responsibility for them.
2. If you understand that (for girls) sex can be more EMOTIONALLY INTIMATE than boys, and no matter how nice a boy can seem, he might not feel as connected to YOU after the act as you feel towards him. (another reason to choose that guy wisely)
3. If you can stand up for yourself within the relationship.
4. If you can stand up for yourself in the relationship and DEMAND YOUR PLEASURE TOO and NOT just let yourself be used as a sperm receptacle for HIM.
5. If you are going steady and you spend all your time together and you both love each other.
6. If he spends time making sure you are happy too.
7. If he spends a lot of time and money on you...it proves hes investing in the relationship.
8. If you can understand that sex creates open vulnerability and you can trust him to not violate that.
9. If you know each other more than 4 months.
10. You are honest with each other.
11. If he respects your rights to say STOP.
12. If your relationship is healthy.
13. If you don't play games with each other.

Reasons NOT to have sex yet

1. If you feel any hesitation at all or feel like you have to give in or he wont like you...
2. If you have any communication or trust issues with the guy.
3. If you still think you will marry one of the band members of One Direction, DO NOT HAVE SEX! You are still a kid.
4. If you still have Barbies.
5. If he shows impatience or violent tendencies.
6. If he disappears on you after you decline to have sex with him.
7. If he talks you down in public.
8. If you feel threatened.
9. If he speaks badly of other sex partners.
10. If he talks badly of you behind your back.
11. If he wont use a condom
12. If he wont get tested if asked.
13. To stop being the only virgin in your group of friends.

About Virginity
Most adults say their first time wasn't so great.. So if its not great for you, that's okay. It is normal.
Most people were too nervous their first time to enjoy it.
Most adult women, now say they wouldn't have lost it to who they lost it to if the could change it.
Most adult women wish they had waited a little while.

Shit happens! Just make sure it's in your own bathroom!
Things happen, sex happens. Once that hormonal drive hits it can be very hard to change course
and stop. So you have to make wise choices even before you are in the situation with someone
that leads to sex.

Those situations are

• Riding in a car alone with a boy.
• Attending parties where there are people you don't know or trust.
• Drinking alcohol and letting yourself get DRUNK and not just relaxed, happy and buzzed.
• Attending a party where alcohol is served and losing track of your glass and getting a date rape drug dropped in it.
• Smoking pot and feeling too happy to make serious decisions
• Allowing yourself to be in positions where you are all alone with a boy.
• Allowing a boy in your house when no one else is at home.

I know this sounds easy but respect yourself enough to not get into those situations in the first
place. If your homelife sucks already and you feel unloved as it is, having sex too early or getting
raped will make shit worse for you.

Don't get DRUNK
If you MUST, DO go to parties with a bunch of friends and stick with each other and have them
baby sit your drinks if you must separate with your drink to go to the bathroom etc.
Don't take naked selfies AT ANY TIME!
Have emergency CAB money and or have a friends parents pick you up.
If something doesn't feel good about a situation GET OUT OF IT!
Chances are that the one you chose to give your virginity to and start having sex with, won't be the
one you marry, so this is the time in your life to have fun, get to know yourself sexually so you can
go on to the PERMANENT relationship you will have as an adult.

The first 2 steps in getting that great future family is

1) Figuring yourself out SEXUALLY!
And
2) Finding a SEXUALLY Compatible PERSON to be with to have that family.

Read the Your Future Mate Chapter and choose a SOLID MATE that LOVES YOU AND RESPECTS
YOU! They both go hand in hand and work symbiotically.
Why you ask?
I've seen 45 year old women, married for 25 years who say that they grew up sexually repressed,
got married, had kids and a so so sexlife and one day they read something or saw something or
met some magic man that made them weak in the knees (that was not their husband) and POOF,
they divorced the hubby, and moved in with the new guy and left their families.
I've also heard of 45 year old women, married for 25 years who say that they grew up sexually
repressed, got married, had kids and a so so sexlife and one day they met another female and
realized they were lesbians, and it tore their kids apart and deeply hurt the ex hubby (and wasted
his life).
I am a 47 year old female who was raped at age 11 and because my Mother didn't get me any help I was stuck with loser men who never satisfied me
So figure yourself out sexually PRIOR to marriage.

LOOK,

There is NOTHING wrong with sex!
There is nothing wrong with having hot monkey sex!
There is nothing wrong with being kinky.
There is nothing wrong with being gay, lesbian, bisexual or Trans.
There is nothing wrong with masturbation.
There is nothing wrong with anal sex.
There is nothing wrong with sneaking into a broom closet and having sex.
There is nothing wrong with having sex in your backyard pool under the stars.
There is nothing wrong with being a self assured sexual woman.
There is nothing wrong with saying NO.
There is nothing wrong with saying YES
There is nothing wrong with demanding birth control.
There is nothing wrong with looking back at your free 20's and smiling cause you had a
threesome.
There is nothing wrong with liking a spanking.

What makes sex BAD is

CHEATING
Being a slutty skank
Sleeping around
Spreading diseases
Stealing someone elses man
Lying
Representing yourself as someone you are not.
Leading people on.
Having sex to get love.
Hurting children
Domestic abuse

Listen carefully...
The best thing in the world is being a strong sexual woman who loves sex and knows what she
wants but is VERY SELECTIVE of who SHE CHOOSES to have sex with.
You don't wanna sleep around and honestly, you don't want a guy who sleeps around either...

Men are given passes about how many girls they sleep with,. They say, “Boys will be Boys” and
they tell guys they need to “Sow Their Wild Oats”... but stats are stats, and if he is sleeping with
MANY girls, he is more likely to have a disease and thus give it to YOU.
Furthermore a man who had sex too young is 75% more likely to cheat on you or be addicted to
sex.

I had a friend who was a Police Chief, he was 6'5" as fit as an Ox, but he was married and I turned him down when he wanted to sleep with me. He had other girlfriends. I'm not gonna tell his life history but he was very sexually active. Could not ever stay faithful to any wife he had. I recall him telling me an older friend of his moms had sex with him at age 13 or 14. So he had been molested. This is why he couldn't stay faithful. He was a sex addict due to his childhood molestation.

Mystery Is Good!

Don't give everything away at the beginning of a relationship.
Don't have sex on the first or even 4th date.
Draw it out.
Have some mystery.
Don't talk about sex or old boyfriends.

The dilution analogy –

Look, imagine being a guy and walking into a school and all the girls were totally naked all day long except a few...Imagine that you could have sex with the naked ones all day long. Eventually the
mindless sex and nakedness would get real boring and old and you'd start to get tired of the sex.
You'd start wondering about the NON NAKED GIRLS. Wouldn't you?
White Tea is the rarest upper tips of the very newest of tea leaves. It makes a delicate rare tea.
You want to be those rare tips of tea. You want to be educated, sexually secure, well groomed and a decent person. YOU want to stand out from the crowd.
Meeting a compatible, adoring man who respects and adores you and loves you is the greatest gift
of all.

Intimacy

Look, who you share your virginity with is up to YOU. BUT you need to know that most women
NOW that they are adults wish they'd have waited and not given it to who they gave it to or given
it away so young. …...

It is one experience you cannot get back.....
.............oh and I'm NOT gonna say virginity is a "GIFT" it isn't! The first time hurts, it is awkward
and sucks, BUT the fact is, that you want to share all your INTIMACY with a worthy person.

What is INTIMACY you ask?
Intimacy is not sex,
intimacy is about being emotionally close to your partner, about being able to let your guard
down, and let him or her know how you really feel. Intimacy is also about being able to accept and
share in your partner's feelings, about being there when he/she wants to let their defenses down.
To be able to share our 'inner-world' with a partner we love, and to be able to share our partner's
experiences, is one of the most rewarding aspects of a relationship.
Intimacy often doesn't need words, but being able to put feelings and experiences into words
makes intimacy more likely to occur. Intimacy involves being able to share the whole range of
feelings and experiences we have as human beings - pain and sadness, as well as happiness and
love. (From: http://tinyurl.com/aflgt8g )
Intimacy is what makes sex EXPLOSIVE with fireworks!
The only way you have real intimacy is with someone who loves, respects and cares about you and
who you can trust...

Not the kind of NAKEDNESS you want
I know that if you haven't got good loving parents in your life you are searching for love in others.
But SEX is not the road to getting that LOVE you need in your life right now. In fact cheap easy sex
takes you further away from love and damages you by making you even more needy. You know
why? Because you are far too needy and desperate and you are easy prey for vultures and lies. Like
a wounded animal.

Great Relationships or Sex Shouldn't BE EASY and neither should you!
I do not know of any LOVING RELATIONSHIP or HEALTHY MARRIAGE that has been the result of
letting a guy get in a girls pants on the first or second dates. Or straight up sex without a date at
all. It's not cool or cute to be a slut or be EASY. You might think it means you are special or hot or that
"I'm so hot all the guys want me"... But the truth is that the guys just want a place to stick their
cocks that's warm. They DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU OR YOUR THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS! To them you are an easy in and out! They show you this when they don't stick around after sex with you or they come over and chit chat for only 30 mins before slipping their hands down your shirt
or pants and they don't really listen to a word you say. They show it by not being seen in public with you or bringing you around their friends!

THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU.
GET IT IN YOUR HEADS!
SEX IS NOT LOVE, ITS SEX.

A Visual:
Look at what guys CHERISH most of all...?
Their VEHICLES!
They get very upset when something happens to their car or truck.
You know why? Guys put LOTS of work into their vehicles!
They work very hard and save up a lot of money to buy it, they spend time fixing it up, they spend
lots of money buying new parts and do dads for it and they wash it and wax it every weekend.
Guys NEED to work for something!
They need to be taught to respect something.
Sure YOU are not a car, but it is an excellent analogy...
So you need to make them work for the PRIVILEGE of having sex with you. You know how I said
earlier that your virginity isn't a gift? Well sex with you IS! Sex with you is a privilege. Watch any
teen or young adult romantic comedy. Who are the girls in those movies that all the guys want?
They want the girls that AREN'T EASY! The girls that are always put together, who are self
confident.

Right now, you should be reading about sex...a lot!
You SHOULD be getting to know who you are sexually.
Touching yourself!
Learning what an orgasm feels like.
Reading romance novels, sex ed books, Cosmopolitan, Playboy...The Story of O, Erica Jung, Naomi
Wolf...
If you read The Story of O (or the crappy 50 Shades) and you are horrified by that book then you
aren't a submissive, but if those kinds of books excite you then you will know what your sexual
temperament is. Whenever you read a new sex or romance book and something in it excites you, do not think there is anything wrong with you or you are bad. However don't go and share that part of you with just anyone. Only share that part of you with a person that has earned that part.

Right now, when you are young, you should be exploring your own body and learning how your
body works, what an orgasm feels like etc... Did you know that many married women have no clue
if they've ever had an orgasm?

Whatever you do, DO NOT get a vibrator. The vibration damages a specific nerve and makes it
harder for you to achieve orgasm without it. Later on, when you are much older and going
through menopause you might need the “help” of a vibrator, but not now.
Get to know YOU. Be self confident, self assured.

Sexual Temperament
I'm going to repeat this next part in a different way but in the same theme in Chapter 11...
Sexual arousal (IE horniness) in men and women is set up differently.

In men, it's VISUAL based. Men only need to look at a woman to get aroused.
In women, its AURAL (hearing) and EMOTIONAL based. Women need to hear things, and be talked
to and romanced to mainly get aroused.

However most people have certain specific things or emotional behavior patterns that ALWAYS
get them aroused. Like, for example one woman NEEDS her man to call her on the phone while
he's at work and talk dirty to her in order to get aroused for sex that night, while another woman
may need the element of surprise and spontaneity.
Whatever YOU individually need to get aroused for sex IS..... ONE thing you need to remember is
that both men and women have Alpha and Beta parts of their sexuality and their personality.

1) Some women prefer MEN to take charge in the bedroom.
2) Some men prefer women to take charge in the bedroom.
3) Some couples are 50/50%.

And whichever number you are on that list, IT NEVER CHANGES. It is who you are. It is your sexual
temperament. People forget this when getting to know each other and I think it is one of the most important parts of a satisfying long lasting committed relationship.

Because, you cannot take a man who is passive in the bedroom and pair him up with a woman who
is also passive in the bedroom! They will NEVER have sex! No one will ever be aroused! Both
partners will be waiting forever for the other one to take charge and no one ever will.
This also spills over into the HOMELIFE portion of the relationship and the home life portion spills
into the sex life portion as well.

For instance, let's say you are a woman who likes a take charge guy. You start dating this guy and
he's a great guy but he always lets you pick where you guys will go. In bed he “takes charge” cause
he wants to please you....But soon you are making all the decisions and having to remind him of
things...Eventually that passive home life will spill into the sex life and the relationship will
crumble.

You can meet and marry a very wonderful guy and have kids with him and have a nice decent life in
a nice house in the suburbs, AND HAVE EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED...BUT you might be
the type that needs the man to take the initiative and that wonderful man you married just never
takes the initiative and so you only have sex once a month if that. And it builds up tension and
resentments and one day you are at work and you drop a stack of papers and the new guy,
Thomas, strongly grabs your hand and says something as simple and mild as, "No, I'll take care of
it!" and smiles and winks at you, and you melt and go weak at your knees and all weekend long
you can't stop thinking about him and you actually go shopping for a nice dress to wear to work
and you show up at work on Monday dressed to the nines and feeling better then you have in
years. This is how cheating begins, and if you take the cheating to fruition then this is how EVERYONE
gets hurt. No more nice decent life, no more happy security for your kids, no more swimming
parties with all your combined friends...
Its over!
So chose a more compatible mate...Someone who is compatible both in the home and in the
bedroom.

Important! If you can't tell that man EVERYTHING outside the bedroom, then don't advance to the bedroom.

Birth Control
Did you know? Women have 19 different birth control methods available to them.

1. Condoms for the penis
2. Inter vaginal female condoms
3. The Pill
4. Today Sponge
5. Spermicidal Foam
6. Diaphragm
7. IUD
8. Contraceptive Patch
9. Nuva Ring
10. Plan B or other Emergency Contraceptive Pills
11. Contraceptive Shots
12. Long Lasting Under Skin Implants
13. Rhythm Method
14. Natural Yam Creams
15. Getting your “Tubes Tied”
16. Abstinence
17. Cervical Cap
18. Spermicidal sheet

Find, Procure and use one or more...
DO NOT LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A SLUT, A WHORE OR BAD ABOUT YOURSELF FOR BEING A MATURE INDIVIDUAL AND WANTING TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST DISEASES, DEATH OR BEING A MOTHER TOO SOON!
FURTHERMORE A GUY WHO THINKS THOSE THINGS AND/OR SAYS BAD THINGS TO YOU ABOUT THAT IS NOT WORTHY OF GETTING IN YOUR PANTS. HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR BODY, HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR HEALTH AND HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU!
Hold yourself higher then that and “Just Say No”!
Also, and I want you to remember this and think about it often...
THIS TIME OF YOUR LIFE, WHILE YOU ARE YOUNG IS SO SHORT. THINGS THAT HAPPEN NOW, ALTHOUGH THEY MAY SEEM LIKE THEY ARE SO UPSETTING AND EVERYTHING IS THE END OF THE WORLD BUT IT'S NOT. SO IF YOU GIVE IN AND LET THAT GUY YOU REALLY LIKE AND THINK IS CUTE TALK YOU INTO HAVING SEX WITHOUT PROTECTION AND HE GIVES YOU A DISEASE OR GETS YOU PREGNANT....GUESS WHAT? YOUR FUN, FREEDOM AND ADVENTURE IS NOW OVER!

So STOP....THINK.......and BE SAFE...
BTW- MOUNTAIN DEW IS NOT A DATGUM BIRTH CONTROL METHOD!

Be Prudent,

Be Prudent, Not A Prude
Please peruse the Huffington Post page pictured above here
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/05/debbie-reynolds-sex_n_3390822.html
Back in the 50s Debbie Reynolds was kinda the Jennifer Aniston of her day. All the girls wanted to
be her and the guys wanted to marry her. She was Americas Sweetheart. She got married to a
fellow star named Eddie Fisher. Eddie was a pop star. She was raised to be a good girl and wait till
marriage to have sex and was a prude about sex...

Eddie left her for sexkitten actress Elizabeth Taylor...

It was the 1950s version of Brad and Jennifer and Angelina (sans Jen not wanting kids and
stringing Brad along)

As Debbie says in the article:

“"I wish I had enjoyed more sex," the 81-year-old actress told the UK's Mirror. "I have only
ever slept with my three husbands and one friend -- and he was my one and only good lover.
"I was a virgin when I married my first husband, Eddie Fisher, and I was stupid and innocent.
I was raised to think that if you behaved badly with men, you went to hell. I realize now it
is puritanical and not very adult."
"I stood no chance against her. I was just like Jennifer Aniston with Brad Pitt when he fell in
love with Angelina Jolie. If Angelina wants someone, then that is that. Certain women have that
power. What chance did I have against Elizabeth, a woman of great womanly experience, when
I had no experience at all?" “

As girls we always are taught to be Nice and Good Girls and to be nice and make friends with
everyone. We are Slut Shamed into denying our sexual feelings, rights and freedoms. Guys aren't
taught that! Now I'm not saying that you need to be walking around like Shauna Sand or Courtney Stodden and especially not Farrah Abraham.
We need to STOP caring what others think of us sexually, though and just be free sexually.
Do not fear what people think, or stop you from having fun, or trying things out.
Just be SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL.
BE DISCREET!

I think it is far HOTTER and sexier to dress on the modest side so no one knows that you are a
uninhibited freak in the sheets.. I think it is far hotter and sexier when you are carrying on a hot sexual relationship with a guy and no one knows a thing, cause you are discreet about it.
No one needs to know anything about what you do in the bedroom. You can be a good girl and a bad girl at the same time. It is YOUR RIGHT to be SEXUAL and have FUN SEX. Don't be a prude with SEX, Be prudent with who you CHOOSE TO SHARE THAT SIDE OF YOU WITH.

The Benefits of Friends With Benefits
I'm sure you have heard the term “Friends with Benefits”...
Basically it is when you have a close friend who you trust but see no long term romantic
relationship prospects happening, but you have sex with.

Benefits

• You already are good friends and you trust each other.
• He wont be lying to you

However set ground rules first...
Such as, what happens if there is a pregnancy or if it starts getting awkward.

Anatomy
Lets talk about orgasms first.
Some women take a long time to reach orgasm during sex, for others its easy. This is NORMAL!
Some women need more foreplay to get ready, for others their clitoris' are higher up on their
vulvas than other women making the nerve endings not directly available to the friction of the
penis or sex toy. 75% of all women on EARTH, cannot cum with vaginal sex alone due to where their clits are. This is yet ANOTHER reason you need to find a lover who RESPECTS and CARES
about you, because if a man just cares about HIS pleasure and not yours, then he wont spend the time helping you have an orgasm, he just wont care! And then YOU will be lonely, sad and looking for alternative pleasure sources, like Blue Bunny Ice Cream and Pepperridge Farms IceBox Cake, TrueCrime, Crafts and then you will become a rabid Karen.

So here are two pictures of the female vagina.

The clitoris on the left is much higher up than the Clitoris on the right and the one on the right is
pointing downward a bit, making it more responsive to stimulation from the friction on the penis
during intercourse.
These pictures should also reassure you that not all women's sexual organs look the same and its
all NORMAL.
All the sexual response nerves in the female organs are all linked up and tied to the clitoris. There's very few nerve endings INSIDE the vagina.

The size of a mans penis doesn't matter if your clit is too far away from it. Find a man who can get you off with his tongue or fingers, And a man who spends time with you, romancing you and can get you super excited.

G-Spot

You might hear talk of something called the G-Spot, but it's not a real organ, it is simply the clitoral
nerves passing into the upper wall of the vagina.
If you've ever touched yourself and brought yourself to orgasm before, that's good. You already
know what it should feel like. But if you are scared to touch yourself, then you shouldn't be. You
need to KNOW yourself first before anyone else does. Cause many women go thru life and
marriage unfulfilled. So lock your bedroom door and get to know YOURSELF.
Not only is it healthy but it's a great stress reliever.
If you have had an orgasm then you know you can have MANY all in a row. Women are so lucky.
They can go and go and go and go.
Don't be alarmed if you squirt a clear liquid from your body during an orgasm, it's perfectly normal
and some women do.
About anal sex, some women love anal sex. Others hate it. The nerves that supply the vagina with
that great feeling are also intertwined with a few nerves in the anus as well, so for some women
it's fantastic! It is all up to you whether you want to give it a go. And if you enjoy it.
Just make sure you are sexually excited and relaxed and have lots of lube and a caring careful
partner who will go slow.

What An Orgasm Feels Like...

Like a really good roller coaster ride.
An orgasm starts off slow and sensual and earthy, then as you go up the hill you can feel your
muscles tense up and pulse rise until you cant take anymore and
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
You are screaming coming down that hill and then all the tension is gone and you are so calm.

Saving Yourself For Marriage
Listen carefully …
I AM NOT TELLING YOU YOU SHOULDN'T SAVE YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE!
What I am telling you is to be figuring yourself out sexually, and most of all temperamentally
BEFORE you get married, so you will stay married and be ultimately compatible...

Good Touch, Bad Touch and BDSM
Sex should be fun and feel good, even when you are role playing and getting tied up and spanked.
If it stops being fun or hurts beyond a glowing sting, it is now time to stop and say NO MORE.
Keeping it real during role playing does not mean not having rights!
If you are interested in BDSM or role play you need to even be more selective and trusting when
you choose a partner and research RESEARCH AND RESEARCH more.

http://soj.org/

A REAL and HEALTHY BDSM Partner is the least violent or angry person in real life outside the
bedroom. They also value you and your safety and want to know everything there is to know
about you.
This is NOT the time to meet a guy on Craigslist... But it is time to set up a safeword.

Safeword
noun
In BDSM community, a word (usually irrelevant and strange in the context of the sexual situation)
agreed by the participating parties to cease the activity. This is so that the submissive partner(s)
can say "stop" and "no" as often as they want during the session and use the safe word when they
actually mean it.

Top: *whip whip*
Bottom: Ouch, no, stop, please stop ... FISHSTICKS!
Top: Huh?
Bottom: Dammit, that's our safe word - now seriously, fishsticks!

(Urban Dictionary)
Speak up if you are not feeling safe or good.

How to tell if it's rape and not “sex”...
Human brains don't fully develop until age 25. Therefore they cannot make weighty emotional
decisions until that age.
Teenagers and younger kids have this invincibility factor that doesn't go away until you are 25.
You think you aren't gonna die and you do incredibly stupid things, and take risks and you will get
arrested and break bones and yes some of what you do is EXTREMELY FUN....but you need to
understand that this inability to discern danger also happens during times of dating, group get
togethers and parties...and in cases of sex.

Look, if you are not having a happy homelife and you have a bad parent(s) who neglects you or
abuses you, a nice looking older man or friend who may start paying you attention might seem
soooo nice and temporarily make you feel happy and flattered, and it might make you temporarily
lose your sense of personal security and boundaries. So much so that it might make you
misinterpret the need and want to be loved and have people who care about you and wanna be
your friend, with the physical touch of sex.
When I was 11 years old, I had a neglectful abusive mother, a mean sister and an absent father. I
had no friends, my mother had given away my only “friend' (my dog Taco) during the divorce and
we had just moved to a small apartment... I was desperate for love and attention and friendship.
So when a new neighbor said hi to me and invited me down to his apartment I was happy and
flattered. But instead of a new friend I got my introduction to sex in the apartment laundry room.
It happened so fast and I was so shocked by the entire thing, I never even asked him why he was
doing it or told him to stop. Over and done so quickly.
It took me years to understand that what had happened was RAPE and how it hurt me and fucked
me up. By the time I reached age 16 my rapist had killed himself...but it took me till age 30 to fully
understand that I had been raped...

But the signs were there...
Here are some signs to look out for:

Fear
Anxiety
Depression
Suddenly lashing or acting out
Embarrassment
Nightmares
Pre-occupation with sex for your age
Sudden self harm
Trouble Sleeping
Hyper Vigilance
Obsession with showering
Obsession with locking doors
Sudden Eating Disorders (starving, Purging, Gorging on food)
Wanting to starve yourself to death
No longer wanting to be around the person
Feeling bad about yourself
Change in clothing.
Promiscuity
Not wanting to be touched

SEX should make you feel happy and glowing and draw you closer to your partner, if its the
opposite then you need to talk to someone about it. Or call the RAPE HOTLINE
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1.800.656.HOPE
Don't keep quiet...if you keep quiet he could do it to other girls...

If your parents won't do anything about it. Tell a teacher or call the cops.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)

Bacterial Vaginosis (BV)
BV is the most common vaginal infection in women of reproductive age and it occurs when there
is an overgrowth of certain “bad” bacteria in the vagina.
Symptom Overview
BV occurs when the balance between “good” and “harmful” bacteria is thrown off. Often there
are no symptoms at all, but sometimes BV is accompanied by unusual discharge, strong odor,
painful urination, itching, or burning.
Treatment
BV can be treated with antibiotic pills, vaginal creams or suppositories. Sometimes BV will clear up
on its own, but getting treatment is important to avoid complications.
Considerations
BV is considered a sexually associated infection, not specifically an STI. This is because it can be
spread through sexual contact, but women can also get this infection unrelated to sexual activity.
It is simply an imbalance in the bacteria in the vagina.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for BV. Using latex condoms or dental dams
can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection. Also avoid douching, as this can
remove good bacteria and make BV worse.

Chlamydia
Chlamydia is one of the most common STDs and is the leading cause of preventable infertility in
the United States. If left untreated, Chlamydia may also lead to pelvic inflammatory disease and
the risk of ectopic pregnancy in women. Chlamydia is both treatable and preventable.
Symptom Overview
Most people with Chlamydia don’t have any symptoms, but those who do might have unusual
genital discharge and/or pain and burning when urinating. Women may also have lower back or
abdominal pain, nausea, pain during sex, or bleeding after sex and/or between periods.
Treatment
Chlamydia is treated with antibiotics. Some antibiotics can cure it in just one dose, while others
may need to be used for seven days. If you’ve been treated, your partner(s) should get tested
and/or treated, too. And you should wait seven days or until you and your partner(s) finish the
antibiotics (whichever is longer) before having sex again. This is to make sure you don’t spread the
infection.
Considerations
Chlamydia can be spread by oral, anal or vaginal sex and cause infection in the anus, mouth or
throat in addition to the penis or vagina.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for Chlamydia. Using latex condoms or dental
dams can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection.

Gonorrhea
Gonorrhea is one of the most common STDs in the United States and can lead to infertility in men
and women. It is both treatable and preventable, though scientists have discovered a new strain
of gonorrhea that is resistant to all currently utilized antibiotics.
Symptom Overview
Many people with gonorrhea don’t have any symptoms. Those who do might notice unusual
discharge from the penis or vagina and/or pain or difficultly peeing. Men may have swelling in their
testicles and women may bleed in between periods. If left untreated, gonorrhea can cause
infertility without ever showing symptoms. It can also spread to the blood and joints.
Treatment
Gonorrhea is treated with antibiotics, usually given in a single dose. If you’re being treated, your
partner should be tested too. You should also wait until you and your partner(s) finish your
treatment and until your symptoms disappear (if you have them) before you start having sex
again. This is to make sure you don’t spread the infection.
Considerations
In addition to the urethra and vagina, gonorrhea can also cause infections in the mouth, throat,
eyes and anus
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for gonorrhea. Using latex condoms or dental
dams can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection.

Herpes
Herpes is a common STD and a lot of people who have it don’t even know. There is no cure for
herpes, but there is treatment that can lessen symptoms and decrease the likelihood of passing it
on to someone else.
Symptom Overview
Most of the time herpes doesn’t cause any symptoms. When there are signs, they can include
blisters around the genitals or anus. The first outbreak of sores is usually the worst. A person with
herpes may have additional outbreaks of sores weeks or months after the first outbreak. These
additional outbreaks are less severe, heal faster and occur less often over time.
Treatment
There is no cure for herpes, but there are antiviral medications that can shorten and prevent
outbreaks of sores as long as the person continues the medication. Taking this medicine every day
can reduce the risk of passing the virus to a partner.
Considerations
Condoms can help reduce the risk of passing herpes from one person to another, but they are not
100% effective. If you or your partner is having an outbreak of sores, you should abstain until they
are fully healed. It is much easier to pass or catch the virus when sores are present.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for herpes. Using latex condoms or dental
dams can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection. But because herpes is
spread through skin-to-skin contact, condoms do not fully protect against the spread of the virus.

Human Papillomavirus (HPV) and Genital Warts
HPV is the most common STD and at least 50% of sexually active people will get it at some time in
their lives. The body usually clears HPV on its own without causing any problems, but HPV can lead
to certain kinds of cancer.
Symptom Overview
There are more than 100 different types of HPV. Most of the time there are no symptoms and the
virus clears on its own, but several types can cause genital warts or lead to vaginal, anal, throat
and cervical cancer. The types of HPV that cause warts do not cause cancer, but they can indicate a
higher risk for having the types of HPV that are linked to cancer. The types of HPV that can cause
cancer do not show any signs.
Treatment
The body will usually clear HPV infections on its own within a couple of months. Warts can be
treated in several different ways:
1. Patient can apply creams, gels, and solutions (prescribed by health care provider)
2. A health care provider can freeze them off with liquid nitrogen
3. A health care provider can burn them off with trichloroacetic acid or bichloroacetic acid
4. A health care provider can apply a tincture or ointment that will remove the warts
5. A health care provider can cut off the warts using a scalpel, scissors, curette or electrosurgery
All of these options may take multiple treatments to completely remove warts.
Cancer-causing HPV can be monitored in females through regular Pap tests, but there is no specific
treatment to eliminate HPV from the body. If the HPV causes abnormal cells to form, a health care
provider will likely remove the cells and biopsy them. Depending on the type of abnormalities, the
provider may recommend a colposcopy (a special exam that magnifies the walls of the vagina and
cervix) or LEEP (a procedure to remove the abnormal cells before they can cause cancer).
Considerations
HPV is extremely common and there is no general test for the virus’ many forms. Although there is
no cure, the body will usually clear the HPV infection on its own.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or to be
monogamous with one long-term partner who is not infected with HPV. There is a vaccine that can
prevent most types of HPV that cause genital warts and lead to cancer in males and females.
For women, regular Pap tests can detect HPV and abnormal cells before cancer can form.
Currently there is no approved test to detect HPV in the throat or mouth. Using dental dams or
latex condoms for penetrative or oral sex can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the
infection. But because HPV is spread through skin-to-skin contact, condoms and dental dams do
not fully protect against the spread of the virus. Since HPV is so common, and almost every
sexually-active person will get HPV at some time in their lives, it is important to protect against the
possible health effects of it.

Trichomoniasis
Trichomoniasis is the most common curable STI. Millions of people are infected each year in the
United States.
Symptom Overview
Signs in women include excessive, frothy, yellowish or greenish vaginal discharge. There may also
be swelling of the vulva and labia along with painful urination. Symptoms in men may include
painful urination with lesions on the penis, but most men with trichomoniasis will have no
symptoms.
Treatment
Trichomoniasis can be treated and cured with antibiotics. It is extremely important to treat
partners of anyone with trichomoniasis because reinfection is very common.
Considerations
Avoid drinking alcohol until 24–48 hours after finishing treatment (depending on the type of
antibiotic prescribed). Trichomoniasis has been linked to an increased risk of HIV acquisition.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for trichomoniasis. Latex condoms and dental
dams can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection.

Chancroid
Chancroid is a bacterial STI that is only spread through sexual contact. It causes painful ulcers or
sores in the genital region.
Symptom Overview
Women with chancroid often have no symptoms. Men will usually have a painful, erosive ulcer
with ragged edges somewhere on the penis. Tissue around the sores can die and lead to more
serious infection if not treated.
Treatment
Chancroid can be treated with antibiotics. Severe ulcers may need to be drained or dead skin may
need to be removed to prevent further, more serious infection.
Considerations
Chancroid is not very common in the United States and is most often seen among commercial sex
workers or their sex partners/clients.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for chancroid. Using latex condoms or dental
dams can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection. But because chancroid is
spread through skin-to-skin contact, condoms do not fully protect against the spread of the
bacteria.

Hepatitis
There are three different kinds of hepatitis, some of which are spread more easily than others.
Hepatitis A, B and C can all be transmitted sexually, however hepatitis B is the type most likely to
be sexually transmitted. All types of hepatitis are serious and affect the liver. Hepatitis B and C are
the leading cause of liver cancer and are the most common reason for liver transplants.
Symptom Overview
Most HAV infections will cause symptoms including fatigue, loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting,
headache, fever, dark urine, jaundice and liver enlargement and tenderness.
Treatment
There are no specific cures for HAV or HBV. There are vaccines available and post-exposure
prophylaxis can help prevent infection. There are also medications and treatments that can help
lessen the symptoms.
Considerations
HAV is spread through fecal contamination, meaning that it can be spread through anal sex. HAV
can also be spread by people preparing or eating food after going to the bathroom and not
washing their hands.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for hepatitis. The most effective way to
protect yourself from HAV and HBV is to get vaccinated. The vaccines are given in either a series of
two shots or three shots (depending on the vaccine) over a six-to-twelve-month period. There is a
vaccine available for adults that protects against both HAV and HBV that requires a series of three
shots over the course of six months. Latex condoms can also reduce your risk.

HIV/AIDS
The Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), the virus that causes Acquired Immune Deficiency
Syndrome (AIDS), is transmitted by blood and body fluids.
Symptom Overview
Most HIV infections do not have any symptoms. A person infected with HIV can remain healthy
and symptom-free for many years. If HIV leads to AIDS, serious symptoms can develop and can
ultimately lead to death. Signs and symptoms may include everything from fever and rashes to
lesions, soaking night sweats and blurred vision.
Treatment
There is no cure for HIV, but there are treatment options that allow HIV-positive individuals to live
long, healthy lives. If someone is exposed to HIV, or thinks he or she may have been exposed,
there is a post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) that can reduce the likelihood of HIV infection
occurring. PEP is medication that should be started as quickly as possible, no later than 72 hours
after the exposure.
Considerations
Although treatment options have improved greatly in recent years, HIV remains a very serious
threat. Many people are unaware of their status until later stages, but unfortunately people are
the most contagious soon after becoming infected. Being infected with other STIs can make you
more susceptible to HIV.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for HIV. Latex condoms and dental dams can
help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection. In addition to sex, HIV can be
transmitted through any one of the following: the process of delivering a baby, breastfeeding if
the mother is infected, and sharing needles.

Lymphogranuloma Venereum (LGV)
LGV is not very common in the United States and is most often seen in individuals who have had
unprotected receptive anal sex.
Symptom Overview
The first sign of LGV is a small painless ulcer at the point of infection—it may be so small, in fact,
that it goes unnoticed. Swollen lymph nodes are the most common sign and usually appear a week
to month later. Stiffness and aching in the groin may also occur.
Treatment
LGV can be treated with a three-week course of antibiotics.
Considerations
If you or your partner is diagnosed with LGV, you should abstain from sex until your treatment is
complete and all symptoms disappear to avoid reinfection.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for LGV. Using latex condoms, particularly for
anal sex, can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection.

Molluscum Contagiosum
Molluscum contagiosum is caused by a virus that can be spread sexually and by non-sexual contact
through contaminated objects like towels, clothing or sex toys.
Symptom Overview
Symptoms include shiny, smooth, white, dimpled bumps, with a curd-like core and itching on the
genitals and trunk area.
Treatment
Molluscum contagiosum will usually go away on its own within a year without treatment. The
bumps can be removed by a health care provider in a number of different ways, which is usually
done only when there are ten or fewer lesions.
Considerations
Sometimes molluscum contagiosum can lead to a more serious infection such as staphylococcus,
so lesions should be monitored for signs of infection.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who does not have molluscum contagiosum or any other STI. Using
latex condoms can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection. But because
molluscum contagiosum can be spread by other means, condoms do not fully protect against
spreading the virus.

Mucopurulent Cervicitis (MPC)
MPC is caused by Chlamydia, gonorrhea or other STIs, and can lead to PID if left untreated.
Symptom Overview
Although MPC sometimes comes with no signs or symptoms, for women it can cause bleeding
during or after sex, unusual vaginal discharge, spotting between periods, lower abdominal pain or
pain during sex.
Treatment
Depending on symptoms and the results of other STI tests, there are several different kinds of
antibiotics that might be prescribed to treat MPC. Even after treatment, you may be asked to
schedule a follow-up to make sure the infection is totally cleared up and there is no risk of getting
PID later.
Considerations
Avoid douching because it can actually hide the symptoms of MPC making it harder to diagnose
and treat.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who does not have MPC or any other STI. Using latex condoms and
dental dams can help reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the infection.

Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)
PID can be caused by many different bacteria, including Chlamydia and gonorrhea. It occurs when
these bacteria move up from the vagina or cervix into the uterus and other reproductive organs.
Symptom Overview
Many women with PID don’t have any symptoms at all. If they do have symptoms, they may
include abdominal, cervical or uterine pain or tenderness, along with fever or chills. Symptoms of
PID usually occur in the first five to ten days of a woman’s menstrual cycle.
Treatment
Numerous bacteria can cause PID, so it is treated with a combination of antibiotics. Depending on
the severity of symptoms, antibiotics may be given through an IV or orally. Some PID infections
may require hospitalization.
Considerations
If left untreated, PID can have potentially life-threatening complications, including ectopic
pregnancy and pelvic abscess. It can also lead to infertility, chronic abdominal pain, pelvic scar
tissue, hysterectomy and depression.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or to be
monogamous with one long-term partner who has tested negative for genital bacterial infections
associated with PID in females. Latex condoms or dental dams can help reduce the risk of
contracting or spreading the infections that lead to PID.

Pubic “Crab” Lice
Pubic or “crab” lice are parasitic insects that survive by feeding on human blood. Pubic lice are
different parasites than head or body lice and are usually found in the pubic hair, but can also be
found in other course body hair like eyebrows, beard, chest or armpit hair.
Symptom Overview
Pubic lice can cause itching, blue spots and sores in the infected area. It may also be possible to
see grey-white lice or hair nits (the egg form of pubic lice).
Treatment
Prescription or over-the-counter shampoos or solutions can be used to treat pubic lice. In addition
to treating the lice, clothing and bedding should be washed in hot water and dried in a dryer or dry
cleaned. It is not necessary to fumigate living quarters.
Considerations
Although pubic lice are most commonly spread through sexual contact, they can be spread
through sharing clothing or bedding with someone who has pubic lice. They are not spread by
cats, dogs or other animals.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who does not have pubic lice. Condoms do not protect against
infection.

Scabies
Scabies are parasites that infect the skin and cause really intense itching. Scabies are transferred
by skin-to-skin contact and can occur anywhere on the body. This means that while scabies can be
passed through sexual contact, it is usually passed through non-sexual skin-to-skin contact.
Symptom Overview
Scabies causes intense itching and a pimply rash. The itching will often be worse at night than
during the day. Itching and rash most often show up on the penis, buttocks, wrist, nipples, waist,
shoulder blades, arm pits, elbows and between the fingers, but it is not limited to these areas.
Sometimes scabies might also result in tiny burrows in the skin caused by the female mites
tunneling beneath the skin. If a person has scabies for the first time, it will usually take 2-6 weeks
for symptoms to start appearing. For those who have had scabies before, symptoms can occur in
as little as 24 hours. It is important to know that even when symptoms are not present, scabies can
still spread.
Treatment
Prescription creams called scabicides can be used to treat scabies. These creams kill the mites and
some also kill the eggs. The cream will be applied to the skin from the neck down to the toes and
washed off after 8-14 hours. There is also an antibiotic that can be taken by mouth in a single dose,
followed by another single dose two weeks later.
Because scabies are so easy to pass from one person to another any sexual partners and close
personal or household contacts should be examined and treated. Bedding and clothing must also
be decontaminated by machine washing and drying on hot cycle or dry cleaning. Removing from
body contact for at least 72 hours will also ensure that the mites can’t be transmitted.
Considerations
Although scabies is most commonly spread through skin-to-skin contact, it can be spread through
sexual contact with someone who has scabies.
Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who does not have scabies. Condoms do not protect against infection.

Syphilis
Syphilis is spread by contact with open sores (usually during sex). If left untreated it can cause
serious health problems, including brain and nervous system damage, blood infection and even
death. If early action is taken, syphilis can be cured with antibiotics. Syphilis prevalence is growing
in the United States, particularly among men who have sex with men.
Symptom Overview
Early signs may include a small, painless, firm sore in or around the vagina, penis, mouth or anus.
This can be followed by rash on the body that is particularly noticeable on the palms of the hands
or soles of the feet. Other, less common signs and symptoms may include fever, swollen lymph
glands, sore throat, patchy hair loss, headaches, weight loss, muscle aches, and fatigue.
Treatment
Early-diagnosed syphilis can be treated and cured easily with an injection of penicillin (preferred)
or 14 days of antibiotics (for patients allergic to penicillin). For people who have syphilis that was
undiagnosed for more than one year, it can be treated and cured with a longer course of stronger
antibiotics (an injection once a week for three weeks).
Considerations
If a pregnant woman contracts syphilis, it can lead to the death of the fetus. Syphilis can be spread
through oral, vaginal and anal sex with sores being present on the lips, mouth and anus in addition
to the genitals.

Protecting Yourself
As with all STIs, the most effective protection is to abstain from sexual activity or be monogamous
with one long-term partner who has tested negative for syphilis. Latex condoms can help reduce
the risk of contracting or spreading the infection.
From: http://www.beforeplay.org/stds/

To Recap:

1. Get to know yourself sexually and temperamentally
2. Make WISE choices, speak up, and enjoy yourself.
3. Dont be ashamed for being a sexual person.
4. Dont let guys talk you into sex before you are ready.
5. USE PROTECTION
6. If it makes you feel bad, dont do it.
7. Recognize the signs of rape and report it.

If you have questions and cant go to your parents, heres a hotline
http://www.plannedparenthoodchat.org/

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