Chapter 1 - The Blunt Truth! There are no do overs!
Chapter 1 - The Blunt Truth! There are no do overs!
When you are young, time moves by so slowly. I can remember one class at school used to last forever and even at age 20 a midnight 60 mile leisure drive to Allentown seemed to last days and days. But now that I have a house I have to clean and fix and a child that I have to shop for and keep entertained and on schedule and a multitude of adult sized bills and adult sized worries, time flies by so quickly and I never have any of my own time. No sooner do I wake up, get my son on the bus, my morning chores, errands and shopping done, then its already 2:30 and I’ve got only an HOUR of alone ME time before my son comes home. And even that one hour isn’t all mine and is gone so quickly. It seems like one day I’m picking up this years taxes from my taxguy and then it's already time again to drive next years taxes in to get them done. No sooner does my son go to bed at 9:00pm then I’m nodding off in the computer chair I’m writing this book from at 10:00pm and the next day it's starting all over again. Over and over.
NEVER ENOUGH TIME! EVER!
"But I have sooooo much more I want to do with my life!", you will cry...
One day you will feel that way and unfortunately some of you wont be able to do anything about it. Some of you will have either gotten pregnant young and will be working 2 jobs to support your kids, living in a tiny apartment with no mate and no social life and are too tired to care that your life's gone to shit, OR some of you will meet a guy who says he loves you, you will move in with him, you will be okay and feel moderately happy but not ECSTATIC, things happen and you will get pregnant and then buy a bigger house and one day you will be sitting all alone on the couch and the man you are with is off in his shed working on some project (or out playing golf) that is always more important then you or the kids and it will all hit you!
"OMG! I'M 35 YEARS OLD, IM OVERWEIGHT! I WEAR MOM JEANS! IM IN A BORING UNHAPPY MARRIAGE AND I HAVENT DONE A THING WITH MY LIFE AND I'M MISERABLE! HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?!"
Of course after it all hits you you will then realize that you have a house, a mortgage, automobile payments, 2-4 kids, a couple of pets, shared bank accounts, a bunch of shared friends (or maybe not) and there is absolutely no way you can get divorced or leave and start over...
You realize YOU have cooked, cleaned and scrimped for the good of the family all these years, doing the majority of WORK and nurturing of this relationship (as MOST women stupidly do) forgiving him for a myriad of disappointments (maybe even including a few times he has hit you) You have a lot invested in this marriage EMOTIONALLY and so miserably you keep on trying to make it work. Droning on like this for years!
Or you are like I was and because there was no love in my childhood, I chose the first loser that came along who showed me any interest...and because losers are losers I kicked the loser hubby out and then had 3 bad relationships (because I was still soooo lonely and starved for attention and needed LOVE, and bought the bullshit lies those Playaz were preaching) and so, fed up, you decide to start therapy, and then when you finally figure life out and are ready and capable to have the life you always wanted but you are 39 years old, your body looks like crap, and your eggs dried up and you can't start over, you think, "Who will want me now?"...
One day you will sit there and look back upon your childhood and teen years and see things you wish you had done or changed...
And you might have always felt that things were off about your upbringing or family and you are starting to question things and you will sit there at the breakfast table looking over at the guy you married or got pregnant by and moved in with to save money and see him for the loser he is.. And one day you will be going thru boxes in your attic and find your school papers, art projects etc and realize all the potential you had and ask yourself,
"WHY DIDNT I USE IT?"
You realize that at age 13 you were listening to Political Talk Radio, Taught yourself to Speak German and could design and sew a 4 piece outfit out of remnants with no pattern, you were going to go to Fashion School and at age 20 you were taking Flying Lessons, but quit for no good reason. You had a hot body! You were THE BOMB!
And so you sit there and cry and mourn for the person you were and never saw or let blossom, because your shitty parents and others didn't teach you or they told you you were shit. You will be with a mate that's beneath you and although you love your kids, you will WISH you had waited at least 10 years before having them. Your life and the resentments and sorrows have been making you overeat or smoke like a chimney or abuse alcohol or prescription drugs and you will not even look at your body in the mirror anymore cause of the flabby rolls you have now. You used to be stylin' and had the cutest outfits. All the guys looked at you.
NOW? You and your mate have sex about 1 time a month and it's usually just to get him off your back. You ask him to take the trash out or do things for you, the kids or the house and it takes him forever, and he's forgotten your anniversary or birthday a few times thru the years and he goes out with his buddies and stays out way too late (a few times you even suspected he was seeing someone else) When you DO have sex, he hardly ever touches you or talks to you, it's virtually "Baby suck my cock to get me hard"..then onto a 5-10 minute fuck, then he pulls out and cums on your stomach, there is no hugging or kissing or nice afterglow anymore, in fact after the "funtimes" end, (::roll eyes::) you both jump off the bed as fast as you can to clean yourselves off then dress quickly and go downstairs and you dart into your separate places in the house, TOTALLY UNHAPPY AND DISSATISFIED! Most of the time during sex you lay there and don’t even fake it anymore and most of the time you think of what flavor ice cream is in the freezer and how fast you can get to it and sit back on the couch after
THIS MORON GETS OFF OF ME!!!
Seems the ONLY time nowadays that time moves at a snails pace is the 10 minutes in bed with "Mr Wonderful" waiting for him to cum, so you can get to the freezer. God help him if he accidentally cums in you, and gets you pregnant! The last time he accidentally did that, you screamed at him so loud the Smiths 5 houses up heard you say, "GOD SO HELP YOU IF I GET PREGNANT! I WILL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF!" Since then he's never done that again!
When you first met, you were excited to see him when he came to your house. Now you are more excited when he leaves for work, if he even has a job.
Because your Mother was neglectful and made you feel like shit a lot (and/or outright abusive) you were amazed and flattered when you and Hubby met, that he wanted to spend all his time with you and told you he loved you 100 times a day, never noticing it was because he was a huge LOSER and NEVER WORKED!
Seeing him was the big highlight of your day back then....
The highlight of your day, NOW, is that big piece of Pepperidge Farms Icebox Cake, which you carefully transport home in the front seat next to the eggs, so NONE of the creamy frosting gets slammed onto the roof and sides of the box, so you have a perfect slice after the kids go to bed. TVs The Bachelor show and that Cake, shuts out the whole world!!!!!!!!
Of course you might have turned to Prescription Drugs or Alcohol instead of cake and ice cream.
CALGON! TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!
Your life has become your kids lives and gossiping with your girlfriends. Food has replaced sex. When you see other HAPPY couples kissing or talking about sex, you get jealous and upset so you make them stop and tell them it's disgusting. When you encounter younger, sexy women who are happy in their lives you talk bad about them and/or bash them and call them sluts. When a gorgeous single woman moves into the neighborhood you forbid your hubby to talk to her, scared he may cheat with her, even though you don't wanna fuck him yourself, YOU have done the most work in this marriage and he HAS to stay and be miserable with you DATGUMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the past you would have gone and befriended her and swapped clothes and gone shopping together.
Your daughter does the shopping now...
You, however, no longer put make-up on or even care about Christian Louboutin or Jimmy Choo shoes (you wear Crocs or Keds flats now)
You wear size 24/42 MISSES pants and all your bathing suits have skirts attached. In fact it's been so long since you wore Make-Up you forget how you used to do your eyes when your hubby and the kids take you out to Mothers Day dinner at the nearby Olive Garden...Sometimes during the summer you don’t even shave your legs if you aren’t going to the pool (Mr Buzzy – your battery operated friend doesn't care how you look!!). Your hubby buys you Knick Knacks or "that Pioneer Woman cookbook she wants from the Food Channel" for the Holidays or your Birthday.
You used to go hiking and GEOcaching and Visit Museums. You used to want to go to Japan and used to take Spinning classes 3 times a week. You used to spend hours designing clothes and jewelry and buying fabrics and sewing your designs. You used to write stories and poems for hours laying on the couch or your bed. You wanted to learn to drive every single vehicle out there. You never missed an issue of 2600 or CRAFT or Glamour. You knew all the latest things out there, nowadays you only know the latest BlueBunny Ice Cream flavors and all the Walmart Supercenters you can get specific flavors at! At a moments notice you used to pack a bag and go to the beach. You were so freespirited and sexy and felt alive. You took care of your body, hair and ate healthy. You used to go dancing with friends on Friday nights at the local Dance-o-rama, and as a matter of fact that’s where you and your husband met...
You don’t you do any of these things anymore!
What happened?
You and your BFFs go to a Chippendale's for a fun girls night out and sometime during the night you catch a glimpse of your now 250 pound self in the restroom mirror in your Supersized Walmart finery and you SEE how miserable you are.
Are Ya Scared Yet?
Did I scare you enough? Think it wont happen to you?
Lets make sure it never ever ever happens, okay?
Because rarely do women get a do over....
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